Fool Again
by Stunstar
Summary: Kai ponders over a broken relationship. oneshot


A/N: This fic has no specific pairing and it's in Kai's Pov so you have full freedom to choose your partner for Kai and go along with that when you read this fic.

Disclaimer: Me? Own beyblade: Rolls on the floor laughing insanely at the sheer absurdity of that statement:

_Fool Again_

_By Stunstar_

I guess I first noticed that things weren't the same between us when he became uncharacteristically aloof and stopped paying attention to me the way that he used to and snapped for the smallest of things. I can't blame him, I never really was the guy known for my communication skills. I remember how hard he used to try to get me to open up, to have a decent conversation with me. I appreciated that, I truly did, I felt wanted and cared for- something I rarely felt before he came along. But I guess even the most tolerant of people find their patience wearing thin at some point.

It started out great, okay maybe not your regular fairy tale love but we were fine with it. But let's face it, I'm not the most romantic guy around. I can be passionate, oh yes and I've proved it too, but I lack the soft sentimentality that he seemed to crave for. I care deeply but I never really learned the art of showing that. I tried in small ways. But I guess it just wasn't enough.

_Baby, I know the story, I've seen the picture, it's written all over your face_

The next couple of clues that came along my way were like something straight out of a movie of love ad betrayal. I would enter our room to find him replacing the receiver hurriedly after just having a long conversation which sounded a tad too friendly for my liking. I never eavesdropped, I respect him that much, but you can't help overhearing things and sometimes I wondered if he meant for me to overhear, after all he was never the careless type.

And there were times when I waited hours for him to return home and my casual questions of where have you been? would be met with different answers depending upon his mood. Sometimes it would be a snappish 'it's none of your business' or 'I was out meeting an old friend' and of course the ever popular if not stale 'I had an appointment with the dentist'. An appointment with the dentist three times a week? And for someone with as great a set of teeth as his? I'm not dense, I knew that something was up and I think he knew that I knew.

_Tell me what's the secret that you've been hiding and who's going to take my place?_

The final blow for me came when he confronted me after dinner one night. It was our average dinner, little said, in fact nothing was said as was normal and then he cleared his throat and looked me straight in the eye with no qualms and gave me the ultimate blow. He said that he couldn't take it anymore, he still liked me but things weren't the same and our relationship was going nowhere according to him. And then he wrapped it all up by saying he was seeing somebody else. I had been suspicious of course but I had never truly believed it and had decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. I thought things could be set right – I was wrong.

He didn't seem to regret his decision but he still looked sad. I guess he meant it when he said that he still liked me. That doesn't make it hurt any less though.

_I should have seen it coming; I should have read the signs. Anyway.. I guess it's over_

He left after that but not before after asking me if I'll be all right. I had just been fucking crushed by the only person I ever truly cared about and loved and the only person who had bothered to love me back, not to mention that he had been seeing somebody else behind my back while I turned a blind eye to the glaring hints he left in his wake, of course I was all right. Sarcastic much? I tend to be, I guess it shields me from the real pain. But it still comes-the pain. I'm human after all and I do have a heart, contrary to popular belief.

What hurts most is that I had been taken for a ride. How could I have been so stupid as to actually believe that someone could love me? I am after all the sadistic ice cold bastard. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself but I really didn't do anything much to make people think otherwise did I? I fucking well didn't! At first I thought people respected me but then I realised it had more to do with fear, how foolish am I?

_Can't believe that I'm the fool again, I thought this love would never end. How was I to know? You never told me!_

I can't believe he did that to me. It took me longest to get over it and accept the fact but it was still too harsh. I spent endless nights without sleep thinking about it or rather trying not to think about it. I became even more withdrawn and my punching bag in the gym suffered serious damage. And I actually thought he cared? That he was a friend? Those questions probably deserve an incredulous snort. What had gone wrong? Where had it all turned so bad that it led to the point of no turning back?

_Can't believe that I'm the fool again, and I thought you were my friend. How was I to know? You never told me!_

When I look back on things, in our times together I sometimes realise how insensitive I'd been. He would sometimes just come and sit by me and the look on his face would tell me that something had upset him. But instead of comforting him like he obviously expected me too I would drive him away with either silence or some sort of callous remark. I don't do it intentionally; I wasn't brought up to deal with things in an affectionate way. I guess that was when I truly drove him away, towards someone who would offer him the things I couldn't.

_Baby you should have called me when you were lonely when you needed me to be there_

I tried to make up for it after that, but it seemed like he had built up some kind of a wall, irony. I guess it was one time too many, he couldn't trust me to be sensitive after that. I felt a bitter resentment towards him for that at times and in ways I truly blamed him for whatever happened, after all isn't a relationship about giving chances?

_Sadly you never gave me too many chances to show you how much I cared_

That was of course only part of the story. After I had gotten over the initial heartbreak I paused to think about things. What had really driven him away? And the answer came to me in glaring reality with all the subtlety of a jackhammer. Me. Yes, me. I never really wanted to believe that, after all isn't it better to put the blame on someone else than go through all the torment of self-loathing for things gone wrong? At times I would content myself by thinking that he was nothing but a back stabbing bitch, a two-timer who wasn't worthy of me. But that was wrong of course and I knew it.

I remember in our times together how I would sometimes just take all my pent up frustration on him. Why? Because I always took him for granted. After we got together I realised how much he cared for me and that gave me the egotistical sense that everything I did around him was justified. I just assumed he would understand. He did, but for how long? I was never physically abusive, no way, but sometimes words can hurt in a way no amount of beatings can. I was too blind to see that, too caught up in my pride. And even though he never admitted it I knew he cried sometimes. I drove him away and it makes me feel like a monster. Our friends would probably back me up on that thought.

_You never told me, about the pain and the tears._

Now I regret it, sincerely and truly. He insists on being friends with me but it's too painful at least for now, maybe when a certain time passes I'll think about it. For now whenever I see him I realise what I missed, how truly ignorant I had been of a blessing. And I know there's no way of salvaging the broken remains of our relationship, but what I wouldn't give to do that. I know that he's moved on now. Whenever I see him with _him_ something unexplainable happens to me like I wish I were in _his_ shoes- that it was me with him again. The fact that he's happy- happier than when he was with me makes me go crazy.

_If I could I would turn back the time_

We see each other now from time to time, more often since we have mutual friends. I want to avoid him yet I want to meet him, it's confusing because he still means a lot to me and I can't help feeling guilty at times. He never lets what happened come between our friendship. He says that I'm too dear to him still, too dear a friend to let go. He just says that our getting together was a bad idea. Apart from that nothing's changed. I'm just a friend, the words hurt at first before I finally learned to accept it. At least now we are no longer awkward around each other and I don't loathe myself anymore.

He doesn't hate me and I don't hate him. Yet the fact remains, I was a fool in more ways than one. A fool, time and time again.

_The End_

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A/N: Depressing? I hope not. It's just your average make-and-break relationship deal. The words in italics feature lyrics of the song 'Fool Again' by Westlife. It was a major inspiration.

Please review, it would mean a lot to me even if it's just a word.


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